Category Archives: Evil Nursery Rhymes

The Hatchet

The Hatchet

A house lies abandoned in a forest of terrors
The house was once full of horrors
Dried blood remains on the floors
As claw marks are etched in the doors

Bones bare of flesh, litter the scene
Skulls are scattered among the collections
Giant cracks leave them each in bisections
Three total left without protection

A reddened hatchet lies on the floor by the entrance
It was once sharp and new
Now its purpose is askew
Its the reason blood did spew

A man stumbles onto the dwelling
Announcing his arrival he sternly knocked
Entering in he was truly shocked
Finding such a fine ax in good stock

Lifting it up he licked the blood off it,
“Surely” he thought,” this will make a nice sale”
The hatchet longed to swing and impale
It’s edge eagerly shines waiting to assail

The man looks around at the faded carnage
Taking an other interesting piece
He leaves and returns to his niece
Who often was seen wearing elegant fleece

Pretty in face but ugly in mind
She watched over his humble store
Lost in local gossip and lore
Never minding any other chore

The man looks around at what isn’t done
He gripped the ax so very tight
It turned his eyes red and knuckles white
With a swing the ax did bite

Her arm and the elbow fell to the floor
She screamed as her blood did flow
Her screams caused his rage to grow
With more swings her juice does slow

Hacked to pieces she becomes still
He smiles a bit before continuing to chop
Laughing at her former remarks of “stop”
Clueless he looked around as the ax did drop

Screaming in horror over what had happened
Apologizing as he remembered what he done
He picked up pieces all the while stun
Knowing he would soon have to run

He cleaned the ax and placed it for sale
Before he dug his niece a shallow grave
It was after he freshened the store he shaved
Once finished a customer arrived with a wave

The customer was requesting an ax
His family needed to build a shed
Wonderful the owner thought in his head
Offering up the ax which had caused such dread

The customer with a smile paid in full
With the ax the customer did leave
The store owner began to grieve
Carelessly whipping snot on his sleeve

His eyes of tears soon turned red
As the ax made its way to a new home
The shopkeeper packed up everything alone
Forever he will be doomed to purposely roam

Silver Spoon

Silver Spoon

By Shoeless Boy Wonder

Father Vulture’s Nursery Rhymes


This is a story of Nathan Spoon
Who was born to a family with several means
Wasn’t long till he gained his Goon
Things got swell when he hit his teens

Young Spoon started to buy up streams
Soon whole mountains of land
And he began his mines
Labor became in high demand

Though he kept all that was collected
The towns folk began to discuss
All but one idea was rejected
New fines and Spoon didn’t fuss

An ounce of silver for each person,
To be paid once a year,
They thought his mood would surely worsen
He just stood and nodded leaving nothing to fear

That night him and his Goon went to pay
Melting the silver down
They went from house to house on his way
Pouring the silver into mouths till they drown

Leaving a handle down the chin
Nate was very pleased with his Goon
Having finished they returned home with a grin
Now that everyone had a sliver spoon.

Pam and Sam

Pam And Sam

Two sisters lie dismembered
Neither one will be remembered
For jealously forced their surrender

Each focusing on what the other had
As Pam possessed the love of a lad
And Sam’s finances were all but bad

Bitterness grew
As tempers flew
Soon all would be through

One Holiday they choose to meet
Decided it would be best discreet
There paths met on an abandoned street

Each sister hid an ax
Holding them against their backs
Their smiles only simple acts

Once they reached range of each other
They swung and hit one another
As they became stained in a red color

Screaming in pain and rage they continued to hack
This endless assault, of jealous attack
Till their wounds began to stack

TO the point where Pam fell,
Though Sam wasn’t feeling well,
As they both could hear knell,

They both began to cry
Couldn’t believe why
They forced one another to die

Sam stumbled before she did fall
Cursing herself for it all
As Pam began to crawl

She took her sisters hand
As their blood soaked the land
In death they mend their band.

Princess of Murder

Princess Of Murder

The king lay on his bed
His daughter stands at the foot
The king demands her to change
As her cloths are covered in soot

Grumbling and with a cough
He sends her from his sight
Not knowing she would return
And free him from this night

Changing she ties up her crimson hair
Angered for he didn’t listen
To why she had gotten dirty
Sick she was of the fool’s burden

For several years against his will
She had trained herself for war
And with a thin fencers weapon
An enemies flesh was easily tore

She returned to the kings chamber
With sword in hand as he turned
Placing the point on his throat
Flick of the wrist the king did drown.

Breathing in blood he could only open an eye
She could only grin down at the king
“Now,” she said, “away from my sight.”
The last words he heard, the final sting.

Hanzle and the Three Bears.

Warning the following nursery rhyme is far more graphic than any previous version. Including descriptive and painful tortures throughout the conclusion of this work. So readers beware. Thank you, and if you do manage to read it please rate or leave a comment so I know if its getting some kind of reading or if its too much.

Hanzle and the Three Bears

It was another lonely day
Without his dearest sister
Much like any other though
He was up to something sinister
Wondering up upon a elegant house
Odd there being no windows to speak of
Just a large door opened a crack
Wondering up to it he gave it a shove
With a simple shout, seeing all the lights were out
“Oh this would be so simple” he thought
Off to find a place to hide
Not realizing he was so easily caught
The door slowly closed
And with it the light dispersed
Unable to see he scratched his knee
And couldn’t help it, he cursed
As if his bad word had magic
The building light up with candles uncovered
As his eyes adjusted
He saw a cupboard
And what seemed to be the bones
Of a lady named Mrs. Hubbard
Blood ran down from his knee
Hearing a troubling sound
He turned to see a series of chairs
All with straps; all of different sizes, all around
Curious he wondered up to each one
First examining the largest
Then a little smaller
To the smallest.
He heard the sound yet again
Like the dragging of claws
With a quick turn
His eyes did pause
On the dancing shadows from the candles
Not seeing anything of a threat
He turned back to the chair
“Guess what sis, its my size I bet”
Muttering to himself as he climbed in
Carefully putting himself under each strap
one on each leg, arm and one around his chest and body
Laughing thinking what a vicarious toy. not a trap
The straps slowly began to tighten and soon he couldn’t move
“Look, mommy and daddy, a boy is sitting in my chair!” cheered a small bear
“He fit just right momma,” said the baby ” He sure did” Said Mommy
“Now you get to turn the crank my boy” said Daddy “It is only fair”
So the baby started to turn a small crank
Releasing little spikes all over the chair
Hanzle now frantic tried to wiggle free
As with each crank the spikes went up a hair
With each tiny squirm the spikes did file
“Oh wait what horrible hosts” Mamma bear stated
“His knees are all unharmed and look at those fingers”
“Honey could you grab the Knee shredder and De-nailer please” momma asked as Hanzle fainted
When he re awoke he was tied to a iron wagon wheel
The three bears all held every day hammers and a De-nailer
Hanzle found himself nearly naked and with spiky iron clamps
On each elbow and knees, just a right size as if done by a tailor
The bears all complained about having to find the right ones
“Oh he is awake” said baby bear with glee
Looking toward his momma for permission
With a nod from momma, Babby’s hammer rammed spikes into Hanzles knee
With each blow the spikes bore deeper into Hanzels flesh
Tearing tendons from bone and bones from bone
The shattering of the knee cap was done
And blood poured up heeded downward.
Making sure he could never run.
Daddy bear brought his hammer down on Hanzle’s collar
Snapping it into pieces as Hanzle gave out and endless scream
This continued for several hours till all Hanzle’s bones were broken
Momma bear removed his finger and toe nails looking at the his blood gleam
Daddy bear knocked out Hanzle’s teeth and scalped him pure
Broken beyond repair and barely still alive
Without care they dragged his body to the iron maiden
Placing it on a spindle over a fire, he was slowly roasted alive.

Heeper Peeper

Heeper Peeper

Heeper Peeper had troubling times
Cleaning chimneys for nickles and dimes
For his first wife fell deadly ill
And through “Wellness” hands she became still

His second wife never could fill his hearts hole
As he cleaned fire places of ash and coal
Unbarring her nagging had become
So he hide in a bottle of rum

Day in day out she never worked for any sum
Doing not a thing but saying all was done
Heeper Peeper grew ever so tired
Wishing wives could easily be fired

After long years of contemplating
He was finally sick of the irritating
Convincing her to help him do some work
While she muttered something about him being a jerk

He said ” look dear the chimney is too narrow for me,
Could you just climb it and knock the soot free?”
With an angry tone she took the broom
Climbing the chimney which had plenty of room.

Once high enough he places in some logs
As she was blinded by dusty smogs
He lit a fire and went to the roof
To where the smoke began to poof

Placing a steel plate and a stone,
Over the top with a stressful groan
Coughing cursing and gagging he heard
But it wasn’t long before nothing stirred.

Ding Dong Bell

Ding Dong Bell,

Tommy’s in the well
Three days, Three Nights
Ding Dong Bell
His head is free of lights

Who put him in the well?
Former Little Boy Blue
Who took him out?
Detective Simon hasn’t a Clue

Ding Dong Bell,
The Mortician cuts deep
Searching for the reason
But Tommy’s death causes none to weep